When they just keep walking all over you
You’re a kind, loving, giving person. Somehow you attracted this person into your life that was also, kind, loving and giving…at first. Then, they changed. You’re not really sure when or how it happened. They stopped caring when you were upset or angry. It didn’t matter so much if you were happy anymore.
You told this person that you don’t like how they are treating you. They didn’t care and continued to cross your boundary, inviting someone over that you don’t like, or going places that you know a committed person shouldn’t want to go to. They always had some excuse, like it was their buddy’s fault, they were just trying to be nice to someone, or they didn’t realize that would be a problem. Or worse, they turn the argument around on you and make you look selfish, nosy, or insecure.
Finally, you've had enough
You finally mustered up the courage to stand up to this person. You told them you were not going to put up with this behavior anymore. You set some boundaries. “If you continue to ignore my wishes, I will leave the house.” This person didn’t care. You told them, “Next time, I will need to go stay at my mom’s for a few days.” It was better at home for a while, but then things got worse than before.
Unfortunately, you’ve met up with a toxic or narcissistic person. This person seemed to really care about you in the beginning, but the truth is, they never really did. For them, you were a source of supply, someone to build up their ego. It was a game to get you hooked in the relationship, whether it was a romantic partner or a friendship. Once you were hooked, they became bored with you.
The thing is, you are sensitive. You really care about the people in your life. Negative energy really affects you strongly. It makes you exhausted, and it could even end up causing you unwanted health symptoms, like migraines, IBS, joint pain, and other aches and pains. You just can’t have someone like this in your life. You realize this, but you still care about them. You wish things could just go back to how they were in the beginning. I’m sorry to say, that is not likely to happen. You’re going to have to get that person out of your life, and it won’t be easy. The best case scenario is that they get bored with you and leave you alone. But, if not, you still have a few options.
Try one of these 5 consequences when someone just won't stop
- Cut all contact- I know you don’t want to hear this. I know how hard it is, but that person will never change. The only solution is to stop talking to them, seeing them, and block them on social media. If they have any access to you at all, they will continue to emotionally abuse you.
- Use another person as a protection- When you’ve been emotionally abused by a toxic person, sometimes you’re just not strong enough to stand up to them. They’ve made you feel so insecure and worthless. Having someone that is stronger and more assertive in your corner can give you great security. It could be a friend, a family member or an attorney if necessary. My dad and my attorney were my security after my divorce. More recently, it was my current spouse.
- Take legal action- Some narcissistic people will escalate behaviors when you try to cut ties. You may have to resort to legal action. This can be a restraining order, divorce, or a lawsuit. Legal action can be very expensive. If you think things may lead to legal fees, plan for this ahead of time if possible. Put some money in a separate, secret account. Legal action can cost anywhere upwards of $10,000 if you have to go to court.
- Move away- This, of course, is a last resort, when you’ve tried many other things. If you have an ex that won’t stop harrassing you, an addicted family member, or neighbor that you just can’t get away from, moving may be necessary. Have a plan for where you will go ahead of time, to stay with a family member, a friend, or a house of your own.
I recall a friend whose neighbor kept making trouble for her family. He called animal control on her dogs and child protective services on her kids just to cause problems. When both agencies came out to investigate, they didn’t see anything wrong and didn’t take action, but you can imagine the stress this was causing on my friend’s family. They finally moved and are living happily in another area of town.
- Leave the city or state- As a very last resort, which may not be possible for most, is to move to another city or state. This is a consequence you would only take if this person is continually harassing you and you can’t heal emotionally. Is there another city or state where supportive family or friends live? Depending on your divorce settlement, if you have kids with this person, moving out of the state might not be possible, so check with your attorney first.
You need time to heal now
Recognize that all of these consequences are traumatic. You will need time to heal. Surround yourself with uplifting, supportive people and protect your energy. Do not rush into another relationship if this person was an ex. Read and do personal development to heal the pain and learn how to keep from attracting these toxic people in your life in the first place. Seek a coach, therapist or clergy member to get extra support for healing.