You may have ignored your intuition in the past
If your feelings and thoughts were denied or ignored in childhood, listening to your intuition in relationships may be difficult. But it’s not impossible. Society also teaches us to ignore our intuition in favor of “the experts”. You are the expert where your life is concerned.
I know I have found myself in a situation where I believed the intentions and adoration of an ex were authentic. He wanted to spend every moment with me, sometimes driving way out of his way to see me. He seemed to want to know everything about me, and liked all the things I liked.
It wasn’t until years later, with the help of a therapist, that I realized there were some signs that things weren’t right. First, it’s not normal for someone to want to spend all of their time with you right away. Most people have a life, full of friends, activities, and interests. My ex only had one friend that I knew of. My interests became his interests.
Secondly, it’s not normal for someone to shower you with gifts right away. I got flowers in the first week. He washed my car by hand before we had even been on a date. I loved the attention. I finally felt special to someone. That all faded away over time, and he got passionate about other interests (and other people).
Normal relationships grow over time. They start out slow, and you grow closer and closer. You will have some things in common, but the other person will have some interests that are different from yours. For example, he may like fishing or golf, and you would rather read or shop with a friend. Your partner will be okay with spending time away from you and look forward to seeing you again, so he can tell you all about his experience at the football game.
How to use your intuition in relationships
In order to use your intuition to improve relationships, you will need to practice listening to it. How do you do that if you’ve spent years ignoring it?
First, I recommend sitting in a quiet spot. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Ask a question, like “Is this person a good fit for my life?” or “Does it feel easy to be around this person?”. Next, listen for the answer. For me, my intuition comes as a really quick thought, and then my ego kicks in and tells me something like, “But he was nice when we went to that first restaurant. Maybe I should give him another chance. Maybe he was having a bad day.” I’ve found that when I listen to that first voice, my intuition, it is usually the right answer. If for some reason things go wrong, I learn something important that I needed to know.
Your intuition may come as a quiet thought, a knowing, a gut discomfort, chill bumps, or even in the form of emotions. You might have a feeling of dread, confusion, procrastination, peace or joy.
If you’re just not sure what your intuition is trying to tell you, take your time with the relationship. People reveal themselves over time. There is no need to rush. Narcissistic people tend to try to rush the relationship. It makes them feel greater control over you.
Intuition works with other relationships too
Your intuition can alert you to a problem with a family member, a friend or even a coworker. If something feels a little off, try the same exercise of sitting in a quiet spot and listening to what your inner knowing has to say.
What do you do if your intuition tells you there is a problem?
If your intuition alerts you that there is a problem in one of your relationships, you can do one of several things.
If it is a new dating relationship or friendship, cut your losses while you can and find someone that really has your best interests at heart.
However, if this is an existing long-term relationship, you can start by acknowledging to yourself that this person is not treating you right. Next, you must set boundaries. Figure out the behaviors you will and will not allow, then tell the person how you feel. Every time they cross your boundaries, you need to let them know and do something to protect yourself, (leave the room, tell them to stop, leave the house, etc.). You may decide to limit contact by spending less time with this person. If it is your spouse, do more things with your friends or go on more outings with your kids. If you are having difficulty with a family member or friend, try seeing them only on special occasions, birthdays and holidays, for example. If you are having difficulty with a coworker, ask to be moved to a new desk, another department or another team. Change jobs if necessary.
You can also make the difficult decision to cut this person out of your life, either for a period of time, or indefinitely. If you have tried setting boundaries, and the toxic person keeps crossing them, you will find more peace and joy without them in your life. Sometimes that’s what we have to do to preserve our own health.
Life is too short to spend it with toxic people that steal your joy!
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