“I Thought I Was Weird”: Trauma Has Kept You Isolated

Make friends with other like-minded people, and feel supported.

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I Thought I Was Weird

I always felt a little weird because I never seemed to quite fit in to other groups.  I thought I was the only one who was sensitive, didn’t like to drink much, was into health, was fascinated by spirituality, was slightly disorganized, more creative than analytical, and loved to learn.  I know I won’t find friends that have all of those qualities, but I have found many who have a lot of those qualities, but it wasn’t until the last several years.

When I was a teacher, I never felt quite as organized or authoritative as the other teachers I worked with.  When I was a stay-at-home mom, I wasn’t fulfilled with getting up, cooking, feeding kids, and cleaning all day.  There were aspects that I adored, but I wasn’t as happy with that lifestyle as some of my friends.  My neighbors are some of my best friends, but I don’t always fit in with them either.  They like to have big get-togethers, with lots of alcohol.  I like smaller get-togethers with deep conversation.

When I started my health coaching certification, that’s where everything seemed to come together.  The other people I met in my program loved learning as much as I did.  They were passionate about helping and teaching others.  They were fascinated with spirituality, improving their health, and they were so creative.  So many of them are also empaths, like me.  They joined this program after a health crisis of their own, or that of a family member.  Their focus is on making the world a better place.  I felt like I found my people!  I wasn’t so weird after all, just different from the people I had been spending time with before.

Is Trauma Keeping You Isolated?

If you feel out of place, or weird, it could be because of trauma.  If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, or experienced a traumatic event sometime in your life, you might have abandoned your authentic self out of fear, or in favor of a life that was expected of you.  These are a few ways trauma can keep you from making friends and living the life of your dreams:

  • Trouble opening up to others/being vulnerable
  • Being emotionally aloof
  • Being emotionally isolated
  • Having a fear of rejection
  • Displaying self-sabotaging behaviors

To begin healing your trauma, you first have to be aware of the fact that it is keeping you from being your true self.  If you feel anxious, unhappy, or unfulfilled in your life right now, you are probably not living authentically.  It’s time to do a little self-reflection and exploration of your dreams and desires.

When do you feel most happy?  When do you feel most yourself?  Who do you feel completely comfortable around?  Why?  What do you want to spend more time doing?  When I asked myself these questions, a while back, I realized I was hardly ever spending time doing the things I wanted.  Most of my time went towards making other people happy.  Making friends with like-minded people has been a huge part of my healing from trauma.

Where Adults Can Find Friends

Here are a few places that I’ve found like-minded friends, and a few other places you can check out:

  • Taking a course or certification
  • Charitable groups
  • Network marketing groups – Find a product that fulfills a need you are passionate about, and join a team by finding someone local with that company, or someone online that you enjoy following.  (I am a wellness advocate for doTERRA essential oils.  I belong to a huge team of people interested in physical and emotional health.  In the past, I sold jewelry, and met some really fun people.)
  • Host a network marketing class for a friend.  Tell everyone invited to bring a guest.
  • Special interest groups – I joined an intuition group, a group for empaths, and a group for highly sensitive people on Facebook.
  • Local gyms or yoga studios
  • Book clubs
  • Wine/dinner clubs
  • Sports team
  • Dance class
  • A training club for marathons
  • Golf club
  • Volunteer for local events
  • Animal rescue groups
  • Chamber of commerce/networking group
  • Small business shops – Make friends with the owners, and take advantage of classes and events.
  • Walk your dog – People love to bond over their pets.
  • Get together with coworkers and meet their friends.
  • Alumni groups
  • Follow local bands
  • Join an art co-op
  • Learn a new skill

You Don’t Have To Have Everything In Common

You don’t have to have everything in common with other people in order to be friends, just a few things.  In fact, it’s better if you have some differences.  I made friends with a few fellow coaches.  We all have kids the same ages, we all love to learn, we love spirituality, and we love to help people.  However, one friend is more analytical, and one friend is more organized.   I’m the connector, finding resources to share.  We all bring different things to our friendships that enhance our lives, and keep us moving forward.  

 

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